Happy Birthday Sage!

One year old. Oh dear. You are growing too fast little one.



Birthing

This day, last year. I was heading into active labour with Sage.

Sage was the first child I carried, but she is my second daughter. My first child was carried by my wife. Labouring and pushing Sage into this work did not make me a mother. I was already a mother without doing these things. Nor was Sage's my first birth. Though I didn't carry and labour Zo into this world physically, I did in many other ways - and she will always be my first birth. I feel strongly that my wife and I both birthed Sage into this world. One of us more physically, but together undoubtedly.

Birthing Sage was epic. I was fascinated, still am, by the experience.

I was fascinated by the clarity I experienced of knowing what I needed while labouring. I don't mean that I knew what was coming or how things would progress - but I did seem to know clearly what I needed in the moment. Dark, quiet, warm, cold, encouragement, solitude...

I was fascinated by how what I wanted changed through labour. In early active labour I wanted darkness, to be completely alone, silence. I was not surprised by this - I am introverted and I open up more when I have my own little space to figure things out. But it was strange in how strongly I felt this need. Moving into a lit room where others were caused instant change in how I felt contractions. Over time I moved away from being alone to wanting to be held and supported by my wife. From silence to soft words of encouragement. From no assistance, to very rhythmic needs of sips of juice, hands held, reminders given.

I was fascinated by my posterior Sage, and how our bodies somehow worked together through 3 days of early labour to turn and prepare. I was in awe of my body. In awe of my mind. By how I clung to bits of knowledge I'd read and how those few words ran through me repeatedly. Open. Waves. Surrender.

There were a number of times in labouring Sage that I learned I was not progressing well. When I found I had not dilated the expected amount. When I learned that hours or labour work had 'produced' very little. And I was fascinated by how I met most of this news - I felt discouraged, but was able to quickly get back into things without losing it. This is not me in normal, everyday times. I love control, predictability - being rewarded my dues for my hard work. But somehow I was able to tuck away my doubts and fears until transition came along.

I was fascinated by the surprise I felt when, after coming through transition, it was time to push. I had been feeling the urge to push for a time. When I first felt the urge to push I was still 3cm shy of full dilation, and had a swelling cervix. So I was strongly advised not to push despite the very strong urges. This was the hardest time of labour - because I couldn't do what my body was trying so hard to do. I was surprised to be fully dialated only 30 minutes afterwards. Those 30 minutes were the most challenging. The feeling ot finally being able to do what I felt so strongly I needed to do was so awesome. I felt calmness again, mixed with a fear. The end was here. How do I push anyways?

The best part of birthing Sage, the part I will treasure forever - was pushing. In the birth pool I was the only one to note how she was descending. I felt the top of her head. I remember the surprise and delight. My midwife's knowing gentle smile. The loving encouragement in the room. The hands of my wife holding and supporting me. I remember holding the top of her sweet little head as she was being born.

Then she was in our arms. And I was fascinated a million times over.

Birthing Sage in this way was so powerful and positive. It is a treasure I hold on to. For days afterwards I felt disappointed to be back into the normal ryythm of things. I longed for the journey of labour again. It was other-worldly.

My experience of Sage's birth is different than my wife's. My experience of Zo's birth is also different than my wife's. I will write more about experiencing birth as a NGP (non-gestational partner) as we move towards Zo's birthday in the next month.

Making Monday: T-Shirt Applique

 

 Applique is really easy. It makes a sweet, homemade gift for a new babe or birthday. I make my girls birthday shirts with their new age on them. Applique is also great for covering up still great hand-me-downs that have some stains.

 

 

Here is how I made Sage`s 1st birthday shirt:

 

 

1. Gather materials: shirt, fabric you want to use, and double-sided fusible web. You can find the web at your local craft or fabric store. I got a very large roll for $10. It will last me a long, long time.

 



 

2. Cut out your design. Play around until you have the shirt you want :)

 

 

3. Place your cut out fabric, facing up, onto the fusible web. It will stick to it a bit. Cut out the web to match your fabric. Peel off the backing and place your design back on the shirt. You can layer fabrics if you like.



 

 

 

4. Iron the fabric to the shirt. Use your iron`s cotton setting. 30-60 seconds is generally good timing. I use 60 seconds when I have layers of fabric. Your design will be fused to the shirt.

 

 

 

4. Using a zig-zag stitch, stick around your fabric edges. Use complimentary colours, shiny thread, rainbow changing thread if you wish. This steps prevents freying.

 



 

 

That`s it! There is so much you can do. I love applique :)

 

 



 

A birthday crown for Sage

This week I made Sage's felt birthday crown. It was a sweet little project to do. This was my first crown. Zo got really into the project and asked for one for her 4th birthday as well.

 

I first cut two identical crowns in the blue felt. One one piece I appliqued my decorations. The second piece was the backing to hide all the stitching from the applique. I used elastic to connect the crown in the back so that it would stretch to fit a growing head. I made the grown just the right size without stretching the elastic this year. Zo tried it on and it fit her at almost 4 - so it can be used for awhile :)

I decided to put things on the crown that remind me of Sage's birth:

* the Sun - Sage was born at sunrise.  I remember listening to the circadas through the patio door while I laboured in the birth pool. I loved labouring in the night. It was quiet, still. As Sage was born, the sky was just starting to lighten. I nursed her on the couch watching the sunrise.

* Crocus - We have crocus in our yard that bloomed in the days before and after Sage's birth. I love that every year they will come up around her birthday. She was born on the first day of spring, which is kinda lovely, so this will remind us of that.

* Waves of water -  Sage was born in a birth pool. That water got me through labour. It felt so incredible each time I got back in. Col was in the water supporting me through the last of labour. She was there when Sage was born and scooped up into our arms out of the water.

Sage's birthday is this week, but she tried on her crown for a while today anyways. She loved it. It is great to have this tangible way to tell Sage a bit about her birthday as she grows.

Toddler

Sage is nearly one and growing so quickly these weeks. She loves climbing into this little chair all by herself. She is very close to walking. She is communicating clearer and more complex messages. She is getting more specific in her wants.

I love watching each new idea and understanding light up her face. I love seeing the questions in body language.  I wonder if I can stand here without holding anything. I wonder if I can walk holding this with one hand. I wonder...

She is now walking solidly holding one hand. And I see it in her face. I feel it in the loosening of her grip. She is nearly ready.

I love watching my babies grow. Of course it is bittersweet. I'd love them to slow down. A lot. Still, there is something about watching their incredible growth in the first years.

It is amazing.


Some other new things for Sage:

Drinking small amounts from a cup

Turning pages

Walking with her Push Cart

Removing and replacing with her egg and cup from Quality Montessori

 

What we put on the land

This week I cleaned out our pantry.

I was surprised to find expired things. Things that are junk food that we shouldn't eat. Empty packages lost in corners.

I have long thought that our family could use the challenge of living package free for a month. Most days it doesn't hit me - that these wrappers are just going to sit somewhere. I'm not talking about cans and recyclable containers. I'm talking about the plastic wrap that covers a lot of our food. The plastic bags our organic produce comes in.

When we were in Ghana the first time in 2004, I was struck by the necessity of living with your garbage. Neither the capital city nor the small villages we lived in had garbage programs. What wasn't used for other purposes was piled right near the house and burned. What didn't burn was visable day in and out. A daily reminder of our impact on the land. A daily reminder of wasted resources.

The pile was not large at all. And I was very conscious of my contributions to it. My habits had to change.

Years later we are here in our home. Each week compost, recycling and garbage are carried off. Most weeks I don't think about it. My wife collects and takes out the garbage each week - so I am even more removed from the volume of stuff we discard.

The bag Zo is holding is filled only with plastic wrapping and bags that cannot be recycled. Seeing her holding that bag I was reminded that this plastic will remain on the land throughout my daughter's life.

It is time to think more on this. Time for a package free month... We will see :)

Last year.

Sage is 11 months old tomorrow.

I've been spending time in our dining room, looking out our sliding doors into the backyard.

Last year at this time, I'd often find myself in this spot, alone and awake during one of my bathroom trips. Soft snow. Quiet trees. Stars shining. I'd note the moon and its shape, wondering about birthing during a full moon. I'd look at the hospital in the distance, wondering if I'd birth there - or if I'd birth in this very spot of my home, or somewhere in between.

I wondered about labouring and birthing and what surprises they might bring. What it was like to be the one in labour, rather than supporting my wife in labour.

I wondered about the baby I was carrying. What her name would be. How I could love her as much as her sister. How she would fit. What life would look like with her in it.

I wondered about breastfeeding and what challenge might arise. What joys I might find.

I wondered about my wife and how she would find this birth. How she would experience the first days and weeks as mother to our daughter in a different way than our first, whom she had carried and birthed and breastfed.


Lately I've been looking back on those quiet times of wonder.