Signing with young ones

I love signing with children. I loved the idea of it before my children were born, and I love it even more when I started to see the impact on our family.

Sage and Zo both sign. They are learning ASL. We started to learn sign when Zo was an infant as a means to communicate with a pre-verbal child. We heard that children are physically able to sign before they can speak - and that signing makes communication possible at a younger age. We learned that signing does not discourage speech development, but encourages it.

All of these benefits rang true for us. Zo loved to communicate using sign. It was so exciting for us. And as an added bonus, being able to communicate at a younger age reduced Zo's frustration notably from her non-signing peers. She was able to communicate her needs and wishes from an early age, reducing tantrums.

We continued to sign because Zo loved it. While she naturally replaced much of her signing with speech, she finds enjoyment in learning ASL and often will ask "what is the sign for ________?" (Keeping a signing dictionary on your computer/bookshelf is handy!)

Sage started signing quite early, but only in the last 3 months has she been signing with very clear purpose to communicate a message. She is picking up signs all the time now. She doesn't have the dexterity to sign everything, but she tries and finds ways to modify them slightly so they work for her.

Zo still enjoys signing and continues to learn new signs at almost 4. Sign is also helping her to learn French - as we can easily communicate the meaning of a French word by signing while speaking.

With sign we could understand what our child was communicating for the most part. What signing doesn't help with is communicating why they can't have something they want - even though they told you and you understood it :) So, tantrums certainly happen still. But they are drastically reduced.

We love Baby SigningTime and SigningTime videos. While you could learn from a book or ASL dictionary, we have found these videos to be really creative and enjoyable to watch. They were lovingly created by a mom to help her family learn to sign to their daughter. There are 4 videos for babies (up to 2 years, though Zo still enjoys them). These teach basic signs - practical every day signs, emotion signs, environment signs, etc... There are two seasons worth of shows for older children that are fantastic.

Here is a video of Zo signing at 13 and 16 months...

Walking

It is official - Sage is a walker.

Unlike her sister, Sage did not hold on to a push walking toy until she was steady and sure. Sage just started stepping. Each day she would increase the number of successful, uneasy steps before she fell. Each day she would fall fewer and fewer times. It was hard to pinpoint the moment she started walking because her first step was followed by her first two steps. Then three. And so on...

But today our little one spent far more time on her feet than crawling. I marvelled at how she would enter the room walking and remain on her feet as she explored, ate, played. When we headed outside, the walking continued. She walked on the patio stones. She walked on the uneven, mucky spring yard. She walked down the driveway. She walked down the street.

Today she is a walker. And while it may be true, I am not yet able to call her the 'T' word... (toddler). She is my baby for another while. I will hold on to that one as long as I can.

NGP - Non-Gestational Partner

When we were expecting our first child, Zo, I found it difficult to find words to describe what it was like to become a mom in a two-mom family when you are not the one who is pregnant. In a relationship where both moms hope to carry someday, sharing the load of pregnancy and birth is not only a wonderful shared experience. It can also be very challenging. Socially we are very geared to supporting a pregnant woman, but often don't have the language, understanding or rituals to celebrate becoming a parent in other ways. I was not becoming a dad, or an adoptive parent - I was something else. Not fitting into a social norm made me feel lost and at times invisible.

I am someone who imagined babies and birthing and mothering since I was very young. I am someone who couldn't wait to breastfeed. To be pregnant.

It hit me at the beginning of the second trimester. Just as we were about to tell everyone our news. I got in the packed car to leave for week for work, and I realized this baby was not coming with me. She was staying where she should - warm and growing in my wife. As we started telling people about the pregnancy I felt even further from what I thought it would be like to become a parent. Socially - I wasn't needed. I wasn't part of the action. I was outside.

In that week away from home I worried. I thought of the day I'd have to tell my daughter that we did not share the same genes and blood. I imagined her birth and wondered if we would know each other. If I would matter in those first days and months of breastfeeding and sleeping. I wondered if I would be forgotten by family and friends during the pregnancy. If the way I felt (outside) would be how others saw me. I wondered if they would really see me as the parent and mother to this child. I wondered if I would feel like a mother. Her mother.

As we began to tell more and more people about the pregnancy I did indeed feel left out of the loop. Our families and friends generally saw Colleen as the person making this epic journey to motherhood. And they seemed confused about me. What was I becoming? Was I also a mother? Was I a dad-mom?

Most people understand how to honour parents who are adopting children. But when there is someone who is pregnant, and someone who is not - we don't have ways of celebrating both becoming mothers. Together. But in different ways.

I decided that the best thing for me to do was to find ways to celebrate becoming a mother, too. After all, I was expecting a baby. Not in the way that I had imagined as a child, but in a way that made sense to our family.

I started to spend time with our babe each night. I sang and read to her. I felt her kick. I spoke with her. I allowed myself to 'nest'. We threw out the 'dad' books that were insultingly basic. We both asserted our family's names and reality to friends and family - gently educating those who did not understand. I prepared to breastfeed our baby by inducing lactation. We planned for time alone after the birth to bond. We got a sling and planned for me to carry our baby often in the months after her birth. We spoke and spoke about what matters to each of us in terms of becoming mothers and being pregnant. We charted a new path to parenthood together that respected both of our needs and hopes.

Family and friends responded wonderfully. Not everyone understood us. Not everyone had a good idea of what two moms could look like. That we could be equal parents in a situation where one person had a biological tie, and the ties of pregnancy, and the other did not. But they respected us. And many did come to understand very well just what this journey meant to us both.

Zo is my child. I've been her mother since the moment she was a dream in our minds. I have loved her every moment of her existence. She is my child no more or less than Sage is my child.

In those first months it took some creativity to figure out how to be parents together. When Sage was born we had to figure it out all over again. We focus on the joy - and how to magnify it. We focus on our love - and how to magnify it. We are family together. Each of us undeniably, inextricably, connected.

 

It's okay to cry

Zo is learning to ride a two wheeled pedal bike.

Zo has always approached learning with ... caution. Especially gross motor skill learning. She is nervous. She seems to be a perfectionist. She doesn't like to make mistakes, particularly in front of people. I don't think she likes the physical feeling of not being able to be in control. I'm not sure... but she is different than her little sister who approaches gross motor learning with a 'I'm sure I could!' attitude. Sage seems sure that she can defy gravity. She jumps over the edge. Sage does not see her limitations in the same way at all.

Zo on the other hand likes to practice and practice on her own. Before she sets out she makes sure she really can do it. She makes sure it is safe. She makes sure that no one is watching her who will give positive feedback until she is really ready. This is a child who at three can hit a pitched baseball with a bat - but if we cheer will often say "that wasn't a good one. I'm going to try again. Stop cheering!". So we have learned to watch and listen to her. Wait until she grins. Then we can cheer along with her.

When Zo was learning to walk she would be most happy learning and practising on her own.  She loved having a walker. She used that thing from 12-15 months steadily. Far beyond the point where she was steady. Far beyond the point most kids would likely say "I'm ready, let's go!". She let go much later than she could have. That last month or two she was basically CARRYING the walker around. Obviously steady and ready. And though we worried, we let her do her thing. Really, there was no choice. No encouragement or bribery or any other outside motivation was at all effective. It never has been with Zo. She will not do a single thing she isn't ready to.

 

I remember the day she let go of the walker vividly. She started in a busy room where people weren't really paying attention. I was. I knew better than to react but just watched her from afar. She started unsure, but as soon as she was confident of her ability she had a huge grin. Then she looked for attention from us. And we celebrated. We took her outside and she walked down a dirt road with her arms high in the air - celebrating her new skill and her new freedom.

Learning new gross motor skills is frustrating for her though. And today was no exception.

Zo has already mastered a running bike (a bike without pedals). She has been riding her two-wheel pedal bike with training wheels in circles on our main floor. Through the kitchen, into the dining room, through the living room and back again. She is happy and confident inside.

She asked today to try outside so we took her to a paved path where there weren't too many people. It was an overwhelming experience. There were many tears. She would try, get frusterated or afraid, and stop in tears. We know what to do in this sitation. We wait. We wait until she is ready to tell us what she needs. Or we wait until she tries again. We do not offer praise. We do not push her to continue. We look at her lovingly and wait for her to tell us and show us what she is ready for.

We didn't get confident today. We didn't celebrate today. We ended up in a sea of tears and frustration. It is hard to pedal and steer and watch the birds all at the same time. So after a time of crying she got off the bike and came and sat in my lap. I held her. She snuggled in.

I told her about how I also get scared and frusterated. I talked about giving birth to Sage. How it was something new. That I was afraid I couldn't do it. Worried it would be hard. Embarassed that maybe I wasn't doing it right. I also cried and got frusterated that it was taking so long to do.

She calmed down. She smiled. She snuggled in more.

I don't need to change how Zo feels in these moments. I can't. How she feels is normal. How she expresses them is what is embarassing for us adults. We aren't used to that. We are told to be strong and seem confident and sure no matter what.

Bloating her with praise. Bribing her 'if you do it, you can....' Shaming her 'don't be silly, you do this in the house!'. Pushing her 'let's just try again'. Or giving up on her 'let's just go play'. These things are not helpful. She has never let us get away with these - she reacts to them with anger.

I'm glad she won't accept praise or pushing. Bribery or shaming. I've certainly tried them, and maybe would have stuck with one if it had 'worked'.  Zo has taught me about letting my kids feel they way they do. About not trying to change them or their emotions. The only thing she wants is a gentle, loving presence. Kind, honest words. And space to do it the way that works for her.

The thing about Zo is that while she openly cries and gets frusterated, that in no way indicates she is giving up. She takes a break, and all on her own, without suggestion, gets back on the 'horse'.

Turns out it was a day for celebrating after all :)

Scenes from Easter

Decorating eggs with Granny using crayons and natural dye. (blueberries, hibyscus tea,

 

 



Grandpa and Zo try the 3d chalk



Egg hunt

In the kitchen

Zo and I used to have a lot of one on one time. I am the primary stay at home parent here. Before Sage was born, she and I spent most of the day alone. Then, suddenly, I was in bed spending my days nursing a newborn and our relationship changed dramatically. Things have balanced out much more now that Sage is older. Still, our days are now Sage, Zo and I - so the opportunities for one on one time are less.

 

One place where Zo and I have great time together is the kitchen. I love to cook, and do much of our daily food preparing. Zo is always looking for new tools to learn to use, new responsibilities. Cooking together has been a really great space for our one on one time lately.

 



Zo preparing tiny pupusas.

 

I let her try all kinds of tools and trust her to stir even hot things. She loves the independence and experimentation. And honestly, I love cooking with her. Don't get me wrong - I was worried about the mess and time and patience it might take. Cooking is something I love to do alone - it is my space away from parenting, a place where I get creative. Every time we do cook together it brings a lot of joy. It is not as messy, time consuming or frustrating as I thought. And it makes for really fantastic one on one time.

 

Finding joy in cooking together meant letting go of some things. You know. Things like order, control and cleanliness. It also meant letting go of some boundaries. I learned that Zo is much more capable in the kitchen that I imagined a 3 year old could be. She insisted on less boundaries. She insisted she could do it. Over time I have let go of my worries and ideas of what she can and can't do.

 

Here are some other things that have made our time joyful:

 

 

 - letting go of recipes. Letting Zo add her own flourish to a meal gives her ownership. She likes to add a bit of ketchup, margarine, basil.... Does it affect taste? We didn't notice it in the pupusas. Sure we have boundaries - no hot sauce in the baby's food, for instance. But for the most part she suggests very doable additions. When her choices are a bit outrageous, we pull out some spices and I teach her about them. She can choose from the ones I strategically pull out. Letting her get creative means she enjoys eating the food all that much more.

 

 - not fearing heat, but teaching how to be safe. Zo has been working around an oven/stove as a three year old for awhile now. She respects the heat and is careful. I reminder her each time we cook about the heat of the element, oven, pots and pans. I clearly point out to her which pots I am turning on. She does very well and loves the responsibility. 

 

 

 - playing. this is our time. Food is serious in that we don't waste it and are grateful for it. Heat and sharp tools are serious in that they can hurt us if we aren't attentive. Beyond that, though, cooking should be playful! We eat snacks. We listen to music. We chat. We dance. We make art with food. We count things. We tell jokes.

 

Zo likes to make things in minerature. Why not? Big pupusas for big people and tiny pupusas for little hands. It is something I wouldn't have done cooking this meal myself. Something I wouldn't likely have thought of. But to Zo, it is easier for her littler hands, is fun and makes sense. Zo and Sage both loved them.

Sage loving her tiny pupusa

In the kitchen I hear things like "mommy, I love cooking sauce with you". I hear questions that might not have been asked in other places. I have many opportunities to give responsibility and celebrate new accomplishments. And I hear laughter - hers and mine.

Another perk? Our picky eater will almost always eat something SHE made. She knows the ingredients that went into it. She knows there it ketchup in there, somewhere.

All good things.

Making Monday: Needle felting

This weekend I got to try something I have been itching to try for a long time now - needle felting.

Our family attended a sustainability festival in town and one of the areas was for local businesses. It turns out there is a couple who is passionate about wool, felting, and their sheep, and they live close enough for us to visit the farm.

I spent some time speaking to Tim Fisher about his sheep and his passion for wool. He explained that much of our wool in Canada is sent to China to be processed into felt. He wants to keep his wool local and inspire people in the area to try felting for themselves.

They had everything I needed to get started, which is really not much at all for needle felting (wool, needles and some foam so you don't poke yourself!)



Rainbow starter kit from all sorts acre

I bought myself a little kit with 10 small bags of wool in different colours. It included three differently gauged needles, instructions, and a foam block for working on. If you are making small toys like I am, this is really not at all expensive. $10 dollars will get you needles and enough wool to make a number of felted critters.

I have watched a couple people needle felt before - and it turns out to be very simple and gratifying. My first sit down I made Zo a little Hen for Easter. Last night after the little ones were sleeping I made another smaller hen and a nest. Our kids are getting a playsilk each for Easter - one blue and one green. I'm inspired to make some little animals to play on these new landscapes.



Needle felting is very fast, simple, and something I can do while my children play. It can be easily put down and picked back up. There are no stitches to count. It is simple and gratifying! A quick read through the instructions gives you the idea and off you go. It is really very easy.

Tim and Jennifer are local to us here in Ontario - they have open houses to come visit the sheep, and are very lovely folks. You can check out their website at allsortsacre.ca . You never know, perhaps there is a local passionate business near you! We are planning to go visit the sheep at their next open house.

As for me, I'm going to make this nest a little larger, felt some eggs - and then who knows!